Nothing But A Harmless Memory

[Raven]

Deputy, the word still frightened him. How was he to cope, what with his daughter dying and his mate in another clan. He could never share this horrible troubles with anyone. Shadowclan was known for threachory. Which he seemed to be full of. Sharp amber eyes narrowed as he stared into space. For once not at the border. Rosethorn had said they shouldn't meet for awhile. Which was fine, oddly enough, by him. He didn't like the fact that he'd lied to her, and then didn't correct himself. Even if it was only to make her hurt less. He still didn't like it, they were getting distant and it was all his fault. For once Longclaw wished he'd never gotten into all this mess. Even if it had brought his momentary happiness. It hurt worse then a claw in his chest. Worse then a thousand cats attacking him at once. He was almost angry at Rosethorn for starting this happy mess. But yet, he still loved her dearly. It was an odd feeling that rose like bile in his throat.

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[{Snarky}]

A black and orange spotted pelt flashed through the high ferns as Leopardpelt walked through the marsh, her paws sinking into the wet mud with every step. Wincing as the sticky wetness rose between her pads, she carried on. She should be use to this already. Seeing another pelt through the grass brought her mind sharply back into place as she recognized her deputy. Feeling the instinctive need to turn around and head back to camp, she fought it down. She couldn't believe she still felt so inferior...like she didn't belong around higher ranked cats. It was a feeling she had carried since she was a kit.

Shaking off the heavy pressure to run, she stepped out from the reeds. Licking chapped lips with a long pink tongue, she tried to find words to share with the deputy, but couldn't come up with anything worth saying. She padded closer to him, sitting and wrapping a tail temporarily around her paws before it flicked out to lay on the ground swishing slowly. She tried to follow his line of sight with her own golden orbs, but soon realized he wasn't really looking at anything. Finally working up the nerve to speak, she let her hesitant voice flow into his ears.

"Longclaw? Are you ok?"

He seemed distant, like his mind was a million miles from the body that sat in front of her, and it scared her. He had always been so down to earth, but lately that hadn't been the case. Ever since he had achieved his new position, and even a little while before that, he hadn't seemed right. Leopardpelt knew she wasn't the only one who had noticed, and other cats were beginning to talk behind his back. She felt bad about this, but there was nothing she could do to stop the whispered rumors. She was somewhat of an outcast herself. As she waited for his response, she let her eyes trail over the sky and the sunset that colored it. Feeling a peace steal through her, her always tense muscles relaxed for the time being.

[Raven]

Tom's sharp amber eyes were clouded with unsaid worries. His long tail flicked impatiently. He wasn't trying to pay attention to anything. But his ears pricked at the sound of another. Even if he stayed in place. Somehow he almost didn't care if he died now. His heart was messed up. All he'd wanted to prove was that he could lead a normal life. Now he was following his grand fathers path. What would he do next? Murder as many cats as he could? Sorrow drove and pierced his heart. He finally turned his attention to the Shadowclan warrioress. Her pelt was odd, to say the least. But her name was recognizeable, a grand name indeed. Proud, one of the great warriors of the past. Leopard, anyway, pelt was only for that, her pelt. Longclaw's muscles tensed as he wondered if she knew.

"Hello, Leopardpelt."

He said not answering her first question. Wanting a few more minutes to think. But he couldn't, couldn't manage any more thoughts. Finally with a sigh, he turned back to Leopardpelt. Answer in his head. Perhaps he'd be able to connect with one of his warriors. This was a chance for him to make a few friends. Muscles were still tensed tightly. The wiry tom shifted slightly, taking a deep breath. He brought himself out of dream land. Looking at her with wonder. But whatever he was thinking, Longclaw's thoughts wouldn't support it.

"Yes, yes. I'm perfectly fine, just still dazed. I mean, named a deputy in front of all four clans. I never expected it...But you? How are cats treating you?"

Longclaw certainly wasn't blind to the goings on. He had always paid attention to his clan. If not a little less these past moons. But he searched her spotted face wearily.

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[{Snarky}]

Shaking her head to his question, she dismissed his concern with a flick of her tail. Scanning his face with golden eyes, she tried to read him as best she could. The sunset cast lovely colored hues over the two of them but she ignored the romantic setting. His posture and the sadness he had felt when named deputy could only mean one thing: he was taken. She was no ShadowClan cat at heart; she wouldn't mess in places she wasn't wanted. Which brought her to his question again. She wouldn't answer. His story was more important than hers.

"As well as ShadowClan cats can I suppose. But somethings wrong. I can sense it in you, Longclaw. We all can. But no one seems to care enough to ask. I do...I care about what happens." Realizing her words, she added on to it quickly, a blush covering her face at her slip-up that she hoped he didn't see. "I mean, your my deputy now. Of course I care..."

She knew that blushes had always stood out brightly against her yellow fur, but she willed this one away. It didn't work. The heat that had flushed her face was still there, and she nearly sighed out loud in frustration. If he knew how much she liked him...but she shook these thoughts from her head. He was upset and obviously in love. He needed her full concentration.

[Raven]

His mind swiftly began returning to other memories. Was love really this...this ugly? He heard her words, but didn't seem to notice her blush. Listening rather to Rosethorn's words, the words that had sealed his pain. But he could not bring them up to exact memory. His tail twitched again and his dug his claws into the soil. Irritated with the ever moving tail of his. But that's not what came out of his mouth. He shrugged before mustering up some more lies.

"I'm fine, I really am. I mean, your in my clan, you must know who I had to call parents. I guess I've just been thinking to hard about them these past moons."

He mumbled the lie. In truth, his mother nor his had crossed his mind for moons. But he knew it was all a punishment, soon his sons and daughter would go too. Or Rosethorn, he couldn't understand that feeling of remorse. It would be all his fault if she died. He could not be responsible for the death of her. It would hurt to much. Even if they were growing steadily distant, he would always have that intial love for her.

"Want to come hunting with me? I may be a deputy, but I do enjoy friends."

He offered kindly. Hoping to take his mind off Rosethorn. Off the kits he hadn't even seen once. He couldn't even begin to imagine what they'd look like. Even if he was the father. Worry flooded him quickly again. He worried to much, Longclaw knew he did. But it was his nature to worry about those he cared for.

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[{Snarky}]

Leopardpelt nodded, rising to her paws as her tail swayed behind her habitually. Narrowing her eyes at what she knew was a lie, she had had the ability to pick out liars ever since she was a kit with a constantly lying mother, but she let it slide. Her paws sunk into the mud causing her to snarl momentarily before she shook the mud off of them, sending it flying accidentally onto one of Longclaw's legs.

Out of the habit of a good personality, she immediately leaned forward and cleaned off the spot with a rough pink tongue. Realizing what she was doing, her tongue stopped mid-stroke and she pulled back. Blushing furiously as she ducked her head to hide her eyes from his, her tail flicked up into the air.

"Sorry."

She mumbled, not knowing what else to say. Deciding that a hunt sounded like a very good idea right about now, she started padding away into the reeds, her golden coat blending in with the dead grass, only being visible by dark spots.

[Raven]

Longclaw just sat there. Staring dumbly at his paws. Remembering when he'd just been itching to find Rosethorn at the border. Now, though he was ashamed, he just wanted to never see her again. Starclan obviously wasn't happy. But he still felt joy, the joy at knowing he'd see her again. Just the two of them, then one day their four, no three kits would learn the harsh truth. What, He wondered, did Duskkit look like? Was she a mix between our pelts, a replica of her mother? A inward sorrow pressed ceaselessly at his gray and white pelt. He flinched, pulling his paw back, not at the droplet of mud, but the rough tongue of Leopardpelt. Confused he didn't know why she was sorry. Mud was that of a Shadowclanner's life. Whatever the reason, he hurried after her.

"So, erm...How do you feel this er...day?"

He asked trying to start up conversation. His gray ears pricked at the sound of a mouse. But it was way up ahead. Flicking his tail he disappeared into the undergrowth. Catching the mouse with expertise. The young deputy traveled back to find Leopardpelt. DRopping the mouse next to her.

"Want to share?"

Longclaw asked kindly. Glad to what he assumed was the first stages of a good friendship. He wasn't a loner type cat, and had become increasingly depressed without a friend.

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[{Snarky}]

Leopardpelt mentally kicked herself for her slip-up after she had licked him. Looking into his eyes now, she felt her mind drifting off again and was forced to dig her claws into the earth as if she was scared of floating away with her day-dreams. Not sure if sharing a meal with her crush, her eyes darted and flickered for a few moments as she mentally debated with herself. Reaching a decision, her spotted tail flicked behind her restlessly as she spoke.

"Sure."

Disregarding the question about her day as she didn't want to answer, because she would have to lie and she hated lying, she laid down in a comfortable position and waited for Longclaw to join her. Thoughts of how romantic this would be were they mates filled her mind and she sighed in a hopeless gesture. Smiling at him, her tail swayed in the very slight breeze as it refused to lay flat on the ground. She was, in this moment of time, happy for the first time in a while and she wanted to enjoy it.

[Raven]

His gray tail flicked repeatedly in a few moments. He purred as she agreed and took a small bite and pushed it toward her with a white paw. His sharp amber eyes locked onto her. He wasn't so oblivious, and she had been acting weird. But he shook it off, Longclaw didn't give off an air of friendliness, that was probably what was wrong. His ears pricked at the sounds of birds. For once, he wasn't thinking of Rosethorn and their kits. Which was good, he didn't need to have such pain always with him. But he was thinking of his new job. He was shocked Fernstar would make him deputy. Longclaw was the son of a halfclanner. The son of a murderer.

"Hmm. I wonder..."

Longclaw flinched, realizing he was about to speak his thoughts. He coughed slightly, glancing at his mismatched paws. Finally working up the courage to say.

"I wonder why Fernstar chose me."

It was exactly what he was about to say. All she'd done was make it harder on him. He always clung to the hope he could join Riverclan when their kits were warriors. But he couldn't betray his clan, betray his clan and leave them again without a deputy.

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[{Snarky}]

If Longclaw's words surprised her, she didn't show it. In fact, she smiled at him and nodded wordlessly. Taking a few moments to watch the sky and speak a few questions and prayers of her own, she turned back to her deputy and mentally went through a few different lines before deciding on what she wanted to say and beginning to speak.

"Fernstar chose you because she knew you could do the job. It doesn't seem as if everyone else agrees but, well, thats just everyone else for you. They can't be happy for you because they weren't chosen. But I'm happy for you. I just want you to know that whenever you have troubles, you can always come to me. I have a tendency to lend a good ear."

She kept her sweet smile all through her speech, and she hoped he realized she meant every word of it. Her past was riddled with minimal amounts of regret, and maximal amounts of never-belonging. She had a feeling he felt the same confusion over life that she had felt for some time now, and she wanted to help him with it. Her spotted fur and kind manners had often kept her from making friends in ShadowClan, so she was much alone even surrounded by cats.

She had lived in this clan almost her whole life, so she couldn't understand how she had only recently begun feeling this way. Since she had been named a warrior, she had heard the disgust in the leader's voice as he was forced through the ceremony, no one treated her the same. She was no longer a doesn't-know-better apprentice...now she was a should-have-known-better warrior. And there was a world of difference between the two, as she was starting to realize painfully. Watching Longclaw's eyes gave her courage that she could make it, and she began to feel better as her tense muscles relaxed at the prospect of a new friend and a decent conversation.

[Raven]

He shook his head, she didn't understand. It was better that way. He would take his secret to his grave. If only to lead a normal life, let his kits live a normal life. The reason he didn't tell them now, well if he ever did tell them. If any cat accused them, it would only make the accuser seem foolish. Any cat who saw his kits, would know they were loyal.

You know that's a lie. You've never met this unholy litter. Any one of them could be like Father.

Longclaw closed his eyes and stared at his gray and white paws. Why did the life of a warrior have to be flecked by doubt and so many, so very many difficult choices. Angry at himself he shook it off, he couldn't expect to be treated like an innocent.

"Thanks, but I wouldn't put my problems on your shoulders. Your a nice cat, it would be selfish if I told you-"

He cut off, coughing. The young deputy waited for her to press with questions. In truth, he was just worried she'd run to Fernstar, if his leader didn't know already. Longclaw sighed, taking a last bite of the prey.

"Come on, let's get going to camp. I have to organize patrols."

He said guiltily, a nervous smile on his maw. He had left on a lone patrol just to get away from things. But he really did need to set some patrols up.

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OOC: Can you start the new post?